oh my gosh...

I go for too long then keep having to update.

We went on an awesome amazing incredible epic road trip around the country. Fifteen states in 15 days, I need to share those deets. I still haven't even shared Chicago! Worst blogger ever. I like focusing on the "free things" that can be done in all of the different places, so I'll come back and fill in some of that for any other interested semi-broke travelers along with other tips and such.

Husband and I fell in love with California harder than anywhere else and can't wait to go back. Somehow I knew I would feel what I felt there, and it was truly amazing. I've always thought but now nothing has ever been so clear: I'm really, really not meant to be a midwest girl.

My new favorite thing. Not convenient for a Clevelander.

I've started my first phase of nanny retirement! No longer accepting new families, those that I have now are my "graduating class" of sorts and I'll be devoting my time to them until they're mostly transitioned into school next fall. Little N♥ started half day preschool this year, and I really truly did not expect to cry like I did. I had joked about it, but good grief! All of the kids seemed to grow in like a week. They went back to school and that night I just fell a mess in my husband's arms with a glass of wine. Ridiculous? I still have C to light up my mornings while the rest are in school, then I go for N♥ when she gets out, pick up N in the afterrnoon and stay until dinner. Starting November I'll help a new additional nanny transition in and cut down my hours. The kids don't know it yet. I think they'll do fine (and me, maybe, haha) since we're not going cold turkey or anything. The families have become some of my very best friends, so I'm not "going" anywhere - Jon & I just hope to raise a family of our own in the next couple years. :) Yikes. Stay tuned?

I'm an artist.

AND finally the start of The Cleveland Nanny! I have some quite frightful stories, the worst to start with and a solid bunch of hilarious, emotional and sweet ones also. The first one is my worst experience so I decided to add a spoonful of sugar to help it go down by mixing those "chapters" with quotes and stories about N&N♥ It's a way for me to free-write my experiences and get some feedback. It already gets looked at way more than this haha, but I've added a link above. 

Or just check it out @ http://clevelandnannydiaries.tumblr.com/

Okay the boring part is over, update, but I enjoy looking back on what I have so far so maybe that will make me stick with it more? I really want to, even if it's just for myself. Otherwise time just starts to blend and get confusing.

why this year is awesome

- We might get health insurance. I cried at that news. See "boob scare" in the previous entry. Not to mention we haven't wanted to start a family without it. Not to mention HEALTH INSURANCE!

- I'm starting my third year with the incredible family who I work for as a nanny. When I began with them the little boy was three, I will call him N, young names protected just because it feels right. His little sister N♥ (the heart shows the difference) had just turned one and was toddling around in diapers and Robeez. It didn't take long for them to steal my heart! Now this summer N will be six, N♥ has just turned three and the two of them continue to brighten my days with astounding conversations, lots of laughter and the added enjoyment of their neighborhood friends - M and C♥ (we'll say the heart is for girls), A, J and baby J. All of these children are incredibly well behaved, which if I get into enough stories from being a nanny over the years, you will find has not been very common. I adore the families of all of the kids. The days are exhausting, mind and body, but I definitely can't complain. This year feels like a big one though - both climbing trees, both on bicycles, both going to school in the fall - two times the worry and adventure!

- The year to get in shape. No more excuses. Running is not fun, I don't care what anyone tries to tell me. Exercise is not fun. After both though, I do feel pretty awesome. I want to be back in the shape of my life before we decide to get pregnant (and go back to square one, ha) and we both want to be happy with ourselves half-naked on the trips that we've planned...

- Traveling, finally! Jon didn't even like to talk about this a year or two back, because it was something that just wasn't in our cards. He surprised me by planning a wonderful weekend in Virginia Beach two years ago when my wanderlust spiked, but other than that, an equally short honeymoon and driving to the occasional wedding we haven't had time or money to really get away together. This year, we said to hell with it all (because sometimes it just gets to that point) and made plans to go with our best friends on a road trip across the country this summer. Fifteen states in two weeks, to California and back. Next year, hopefully the East Caribbean. Next week, Chicago. Things are happening! We have passport applications. I have a beach hat. Look out, world.

Take me away!

- Right now, everyone is happy and healthy. I have to say, unfortunately I don't always let myself enjoy this because I tend to get a lurking feeling that the next terrible thing is around the corner. I tend to get upset just thinking about things that haven't even happened yet, or remembering the feelings that we had last year and years before and how down I was. I'm working on that! Allowing myself to enjoy what's going on this year, not allowing myself to feel guilty, to worry (okay that's easier said than done - but trying!) or dwell on anything. I'm figuring myself out a little more, working on my "shell" (a lifelong process - I'm an awkward introvert/extrovert mix), working on what I'm sure is probably adult ADD, and working on not caring what other people think. I'm trying to make more time to just hang out with my parents, grandparents and brother, trying to spend a little more time with friends instead of staying in with my sweats and the Roku (still need that time too though or else I get cranky) and finally, enjoying every single day with my husband and best friend.

reasons why last year sucked

- Money and time. Jon filled in a full time Kent State schedule on top of his full time job. We stayed focused, stayed frugal, didn't have much fun. We hoped the lack of excitement in our lives would soon pay off! We were thankful for the opportunities, thankful for everything we worked for, but slightly envious at all of the big events and easy living that seemed to be going on with people our age around us. Of course nothing's as it seems, but you know how that goes.

- Cars. All of our "savings" from being frugal went back directly into cars. When this wasn't broken, that was making a funny noise. We wanted to sell our Mini Cooper (obviously an unnecessary but fun splurge) so we bought a 2000 Camry with months of saved cash. Dents and all, we didn't care, we were going to save. Then it exploded. Diagnosis: death. When the Mini beeped hello as I started it up afterward, I swear it sounded happy, like it knew we would keep it after all. Aww. We're kind of happy we got stuck with it.

- Grandpa's heart attack. When I got the call, I unfortunately can't say I was surprised. I was terribly upset, heartbroken, scared...but hardly shocked, not after Grandpa's decades of smoking and daily fast food. Family was there to do CPR and call an ambulance right away. After he made it through surgery, the doctor told him he had survived a widow maker. He was out of it for a month afterward, in an induced sleep a lot of the time because he would thrash when he woke. When he finally was recognizing us and talking, he was on the highest high from pain medication. He thought he saw a sailboat go past his door, wanted a putty knife to fix the floor tiles in the room and told me I was surrounded by the most beautiful sparkling golden "fairy diddles". All of this, while silly, was upsetting because we knew it meant he wasn't all there yet. Eventually he came home though, with lots of therapy along the way. We're very thankful for his second chance, and I'm very very thankful that he hasn't smoked a cigarette since!

- Boob scare #2. My family history is not good, and it doesn't discriminate young age. The first time was in the spring after we got engaged. The lump was found, some doctors freaked out, I got referred to a specialist, they took a needle biopsy (I've never seen so much blood come out of me) and it was cleared as a benign cyst. The news was incredibly relieving, then hearing the total costs almost made me pass out. Last year's scare got more complicated. The concern was higher, and doctors were disagreeing...never fun to be in the middle of when you just want answers. Two months of blood tests, hormone tests, an ultrasound and my first mammogram felt like a year. My friends and family were incredible, and all of the families I've worked for banded together to find connections within the Cleveland Clinic, eventually leading me to a wonderful woman's group and some financial help. The Cleveland Clinic is altogether amazing. When I was cleared again we celebrated for a week. Turns out I'm just a lumpy person, but because of my family I've been ordered to not mess with my boobs. They've become more important to my husband and I than we ever could have foreseen. Before they were just...boobs. Now they're fragile and high maintenance.

- Losing his father. We never imagined at our age we'd have to plan a funeral. We didn't expect to see it either...the moment that he died. It was an image burned into our brains, the doctors yelling and taking turns jumping on the bed to give him chest compressions. My husband's legs shook underneath him and I was prepared to catch his weight. It was the most crushing pain, that entire day. We were just so glad he had known we were there with him. The day before, everyone ever important in his life had come to visit in the hospital he had just been admitted to. I'm so thankful for that. He must have known things were bad, because he was able to tell my husband, his brothers and sister what made him proud and what he wanted for them in life. We had him cremated per his wishes, held a nice memorial and decided to take him back to Aruba someday (his annual winter hot spot). Each big day after has been a struggle for my husband. It doesn't get easier...we just get better at handling it. The photos and video we've discovered since have made for priceless moments. We just miss him so much, our family is our world and I hope we don't have another year like 2011 for a very, very, very long time.

Jon & his dad in 2010

first post!

I'm the worst blogger ever.

I haven't properly kept up with a blog or a journal in years and haven't known where to start since. I have no plan, no real direction, so like anything else should go in life, let's just start with today!

The husbands are meeting tonight for an "epic" boys night out at the old college bars, leaving my best friends and I to act like geeky teenagers and have a sleepover after going to see The Hunger Games. We're so freaking excited we're making a quick Capitol style dinner before the movie, which I suppose I can take photos of and post on here later because that's one of those bloggy things to do right?

I don't know where this blog will go. Maybe I can inspire you somehow, or maybe I'll just be my awkward self, poke fun at life, tell stories and hopefully make someone smile. Maybe someone out there can relate to, well, anything. Or maybe in the end no one else will care and I can just use it for my own personal writing and rambling therapy. That's ok too.

xo :)